I was nearing 30 and I was desperate to get married. I've experienced a few failed relationships and was now ready for a serious relationship with a mature man who was ready to commit. But what should I look for in a future spouse? Everyone was saying different things. My mum said he needs to have a secure job and be of similar status to our family while being a considerate and thoughtful man. My sister said I will be disappointed with whomever I choose so I should just choose someone who will be a good companion. Other people said different things like kindness, from a happy family, passionate, devoted etc. I mean these were are important factors, but I felt none of these answers were satisfactory in knowing who I was going to spend my whole life with. Then a pastor I met during a mission trip said this:
"You need to first be walking the road that God has called you to. While you are walking that road, you will meet someone on the same path, and that is someone you could walk together with for the rest of your life."
And then suddenly, I understood. Marriage isn't about finding someone who would make me happy. It is about finding someone who I could work together with to glorify God. If I focus on my happiness our marriage would be fragile and at times a battle over whose happiness is more important. But by focusing on making God's glory known through our marriage, we would naturally be servant minded and faithful in our marriage, which would ultimately lead to our own happiness, as well.
This is what Tripp talks about in chapter 2 and 3 of his book 'What did you expect?'. He shows the reader that it is only when our relationship with God is right that we can work on our relationship with our spouse. Only when we are living for God's kingdom and not our own kingdom, can we learn to love our spouse.
In chapter 2, Tripp suggests that we are all worshippers. We attach our identity, meaning and purpose, and our inner sense of well-being to what we worship. When we worship God in our marriages, we find reason to continue even when things get hard. Because it is only when you live in a celebratory and restful worship of God that you are able to think less about yourself but are free to serve and celebrate another. For example, when we worship God as the Creator, we look at one another with wonder and joy. When we worship God as sovereign, we will look at how he formed us and brought us together for his glory and our good and celebrate how our differences has enhanced our lives.
In chapter 3, Tripp points out that all the battles in our relationship with others are the fruit of a deeper war, a war against sin. Because sin is essentially antisocial, it dehumanises the people in our lives to either vehicles to get what we want or obstacles in the way of what we want. But God didn't give us his grace for our kingdom; he gave us his grace to invite us to God's kingdom, which is a much, much better kingdom. That is why the troubles we face in our marriage is not evidence of failure, but those troubles are actually grace. God is using our marriage to pry us out of our kingdom to self so that we can be free in the kingdom of God. Therefore, it is only when a husband and wife each live in a purposeful and joyful allegiance to the plans, purpose, and Lord of the kingdom of God that their marriage can really be a place of unity, understanding, and love.
Tripp closes chapter 3 with these encouraging words.
I hope this reminder helps you trust in God and keeps you going when things get difficult in your marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment